we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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