I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
