she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
