I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
