I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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