Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
