foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
