Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
