Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
