My brain says no but my pants say off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
