If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize