There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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