'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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