everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
