why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
