I'm eating all of the evidence.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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