is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to make out with him forever
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
