I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
