I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
