overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
