I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
