you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
