You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
