Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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