After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
