My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
