To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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