Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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