Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
