My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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