The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
