So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
