I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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