peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
