All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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