The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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