no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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