kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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