hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
