since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
