Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
