I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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