The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
