You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
