she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
