U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
