I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
