God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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