I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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