I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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