Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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