I'm going to jail i love you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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