she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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