Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
