Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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