i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
