she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
