dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
