You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
