She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
