peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
