$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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