I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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