I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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