i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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