I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sext me about skeletons
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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